Today wasnt too bad, i slept in really late which i needed and really didnt do all that much. i just now started working on laundry again, got the dishes done and a few other odds and ends accomplished. Ive just been out of sorts and Bones knows this and isnt letting me out of his sight...like thats a change from anything.
ive been dealing with a lot of nightmares, flashbacks and such that have really gotten to me lately. Last night i made an effort to meditate like i used, only to get the result that i got when i was first diagnosed and started having issues with PTSD. The flash backs, the mind racing, its like i was discussing with my roommate today about a thing i read and its true. Those with PTSD its as if our brains are trying to run and focus on computer that has 3 to 4 windows open at one time. For me that does not work. Ive never been good at multi tasking and my mind just doesnt function at that capacity, my brain tries to force me to though and it sucks. i think thats why i like sleep so much. When im not having nightmares anyway...
And more things to cross off the i can eat list...i had pizza today and my stomach is soo messed up, and the other day i had a piece of cheese cake that upset my stomach as well so im going to have to cut out gluten, tomatoes and dairy...i wonder if thats part of why my skin is drying out so much...ill have to just really watch it. For now im going back on protein shakes, rice and fruits only. The last time i ate that way i not only lost weight but i also didnt have skin or stomach issues. It can be trying not only dealing with the PTSD but also the fibromyalgia and lupus...theres so much i cant have or do and it really sucks. At this point im doing well to be able to walk Bones 3 to 4 times a day. im waning to start running again but i need to get the proper shoes first and as broke as i am that could be months before i can do that...at this point im hoping to really get a bunch of crochet orders for christmas so that i can afford Bones tags, shots and all of that in january/february, we will see. Thats one thing that needs to be considered before having a service dog or a dog in general...the cost. Vet bills, food, treats and supplies arent always cheap and honestly if it wasnt for friends i wouldnt be able to afford it but they realize how much i need Bones and that i cant part with him and for that im very thankful to them.
Earlier this year Bones was playing with a neighbor dog who hes furiends with and Butter jumped on Bones while Bones was laying on his back...no biggie, it was dogs being dogs, they were having fun, then Bones yelped and i thought he had blown his knee out. As shortly after rescuing him i was told he had a luxating patella...or bad knee, very common in poodles. So, we got him into the vet and upon examining him and doing x-rays we discovered that his femur had been broken and healed back wrong, obviously an injury that happened prior to me having him. So i spent time researching, talking to vets, friends, other dog owners and while i was given 2 options, surgery, which would have been pretty invasive or pain medication for the duration of his life, i came to the conclusion that meds were the way to go. The surgery would have been too much for him to handle at 10 years old and at this point the meds he only needs when its bothering him which as of today hes only had to have his meds once in the past 2 months. i have to say it was one of the hardest decisions ive ever had to make but i think for him i made the right one.
im starting a series of YouTube videos based on this blog and Bones, PTSD, Fibro, all from my own point of view and what i deal with. i did the test clip tonight. i havent posted it yet but when i do i promise ill post the link. The reason for the vids is one, some people understand vocal words better than written, im the opposite of that personally but i know some people like that. Plus there are some things that can be shown or demonstrated much easier than written about. If you have any particular questions or issues for me to address please feel free to put it in the comments or send me a note on facebook.
Its late, or early, depending on how your day works...and im getting tired so i wish you all a great nights sleep and im headed off to bed.
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